Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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