I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
