I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Randomize
