So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
