Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
