I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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