I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
