in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
