True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
