On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
