It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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