Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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