Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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