I'm passing your future prison.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize