Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
