Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
