I wish I only lived at night.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
