I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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