Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
