Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
