I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
