So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
