Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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