Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
