We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
