She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
