Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
