yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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