dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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