my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
