I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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