My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
