I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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