Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
