Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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