bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize