well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
