Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
