I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
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