just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
