Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
