Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
