I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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