I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
