just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
We smell like vodka and hangover
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