They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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