yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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