how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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