he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
