he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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